Checking in Day 11 AF
@CATMANCAM thank you. I hope things go well for you with your new therapist. 
Today is my grandmother’s funeral. I struggle with dealing with my own emotions all the time, and adding those from the people around me, seem to put me in overload. I’ve had thoughts the past few days of escaping and drowning them, and fighting them off as best as I can.
2022 has been the hardest year of my life, and I am so ready for it to end. I’ve had issues at work with a new boss, who does not like me. I think our personalities are just polar opposite’s, and it’s hard for us to communicate effectively. I had issues with the foundation of my house, costing me $13,000 to fix.
Then two weeks later my hot water heater busted in my kitchen flooding the house. It took 4 weeks for them to just dry it out with equipment. Then it was tested and asbestos, was found in the floor installation, which took another week of an entire hazmat crew to come seal off the house and to remove it. There was literally a decontamination shower in my living room and everything sealed off. It looked like something in a movie. It was near the end of March before any work could even be done, which forced me out of my home the whole time, due to no hot water.
Then I caught Covid. After that I started dating a guy, and my life really went to shit. It was all great in the beginning until he moved in. It wasn’t long after that things changed. I knew something was off but couldn’t figure out what. Arguments were not normal arguments. He became verbally and physically abusive. I tried to break it off and then he would threaten suicide. I ended up finding myself in a cycle of hell and torment. I had hoped once I filed a police report, but did not press charges, he would stop. He finally was arrested for physically hurting his ex wife, so I took that opportunity as a way out. I filed for a notice to quit to have him evicted while in jail, since he never paid a dime towards anything. Three days later he bonded out and walked straight to my home and assaulted me again. I called the police and he has now been in jail the past 3 months. He is scheduled for release, if he pleads guilty on Jan 20 & I am so afraid of what may happen when he is.
My 18 year old daughter also got pregnant this year and is scheduled to be induced New Years Eve. My Grandmother passed away on Xmas Eve. And there’s more, but that’s just the headliners. I don’t know what kind of bad karma I have reaped this year, but damn I should be in the negative at this point.
I’m sorry for the long post, but it does feel good to get all this off my chest, because I keep to myself and just go to work and home, then repeat. I can feel myself slipping again, but I know drinking won’t help. Yet that does not stop the brain from talking you into it, telling yourself just one night. Just escape for one night. You don’t drink everyday, you just drink way too much when you do. I know with these thoughts I am on a slippery slope again, and I’m going to fight it as best as I can. The anxiety of Jan 20, is overpowering all my emotions. I’m trying to find the happiness of meeting my granddaughter in a couple days to balance it out, but it’s hard when you don’t know what kind of hell awaits you from an evil person with no regard for anyones feelings or safety.
I really hope it goes well.
